Gambling for Second Chances
by TGWnevertoforget
Summary: "If I leave, there are no more chances. I won't hate you, but this constant game, these residual feelings are over. I can't be the stolen one, with the occasional hope being taken away. There's just nothing left to take." Chapter 4 Preview - Unfinished.
1. Chapter 1

_This is the first time they've been alone together, since that night._

It's been months, countless court face offs, but the depth of her actions has scarred him beyond the layers of skin, clawing at his heart, trying to make him hate her. Instead, the wounds are worsening, the agony of loving a woman who betrayed him, making him hate her even more.

Most recently, a brutal divorce battle had seen them in court, as he buried barely-veiled insults to the woman he used to be able to call Alicia. It's the closest he ever came to confessing his love, face to face. How ironic, he thought.

But now, the judge has had enough, breaking every hour for his naps, as he forces Alicia and Will to stay in the courtroom.

"Mrs Florrick, I'm sure you understand that your client has betrayed her husband. Her child with another man, her boss, has left her without any source of viable income. The other two children must be in the full custody of their father."

Alicia sits, unable to move, as he sees a teardrop fall onto the bench - an imperfection on a perfectly lacquered table.

Before, his fingers would be stroking her cheeks, the pads of his thumbs, rubbing away her tears, and trying not to confront her about her indecision. This is not before.

"Why?"

She looks up, her mascara smudged across her face, trying to keep her breathing steady. Her mouth opens, an instinctual answer ready to escape her lips, before she realises she's lost the right to give non-answers (in hindsight, she never really had that right).

He sighs then, not knowing how to extract a proper answer. Before he has the opportunity to ponder, she finally speaks.

"To get away from you. Something opened up that night, I couldn't close it, so I decided to replace it with something less... dangerous. Is there really a second chance at love? "

He tenses at her words, fuming as she still can't seem to explain herself, prove that what she does was right.

He's a gambler, but is the risk worth it if he never wins?

"I can't do this, pretend that what you say justifies your actions. My life revolved around you at Georgetown, the goddamn one that got away, that one day I would get back. Until then, it was the law. I sacrificed my sanity, my personal life, to build up a firm where nothing was guaranteed. Last year, I thought I lost it all, but I had you, I had Diane. You weren't part of the plan, I know that, but it fucking hurts, Alicia. I didn't have much, and you were able to shred apart everything. So don't give me half answers and offer empty apologies. I've dealt with enough to be appeased with words. I'm a goddamn lawyer, our entire life revolves around twisting events through rhetoric, so stop fucking kidding yourself, and give me a straight answer. And small words, please." His mouth twists into a sneer at his last comment.

"My kids think I'm an alcoholic. My mum is like a coach in a boxing ring, forcing me to end Peter, and start again with you. Even Owen has gained respect for Peter; everyone is on Peter's side. Except Veronica, the mother who married four different times. I don't want to be like her, but even me, I don't want Peter. I just want to keep up the facade that I've held for so long."

"Except with me. No. I wanted to support you, be the person who stood by you. I guess I thought that it was a mutual agreement. It was the only fact I knew. If that's gone, what's left ? It was the only thing that left me bound to you. The only thing that links us now is that, I am currently experiencing the pain that you felt when you stood at that press conference."

Argh! I'm totally stuck now, please read and review what has been written because I can't guarantee a finished product. Alicia is too goddamn hard to write in character, and Will in this is barely acceptable but I needed to get something out there that doesn't bash Alicia as much as the ones I've read (but they were amazingly written, I just need my own perspective).


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry but this still isn't complete. I'll just post a bit because i have school tomorrow. Also, this is not my show, it's the Kings, and yeah. Thanks for reading. Also, I will get a beta soon, hopefully.

"23 years ago, you were probably the one I loved. But now, I don't even know if I deserve to love. Everything you knew about me is gone, each remnant of our memories tainted by what I've replaced them with. I'm not Alicia Cavanaugh, I'm not even Alicia Florrick. I don't have that... character anymore. Now I'm just a woman trying to fix her marriage. A woman who acts on impulse and without thought. I know what you wanted, but I also knew that seeing me like this is the better option."

She sees his fingers twisting through the air, as if grasping at the last ounce of decency he owns not to attack her.

"What was the alternative? Did you intend to betray me by dating me and then take away the career I fought for? You don't understand how much has changed. You're right, Alicia Cavanaugh is gone, hell, you're not even a Florrick. At least David Lee has the goddamn honesty to admit he's a conniving son of a bitch."

"I did what I did to protect what I always have. I don't even think I know what I'm trying to save myself from."


	3. Chapter 3

You can't. If you can't even give me a reason for what we've been through for you to do that, I don't think I ever meant what you did to me. I just wish you told me earlier, now we're left with broken pieces."

"I am sorry. But you were collateral damage. A part of me loves you, but that part of me is what I'm trying to escape from. But I don't want to be happy anymore, I just want to be me. I know it's a dangerous game. But what else do I have."

She's not lying. The mere idea of fresh starts makes her feel like she's drowning. When she's been where she has, the continuous battle to repair every chink in that picture becomes a consuming force. But she has succeeded. Finally, her family is together without any loose ends to be tied up - except her. Her presence is physically there, but beyond the facade, there are only broken pieces.

She knows Will sees the pain, but it's not his problem to fight anymore. They're a mirror image of one another, but the only thing that separates them has torn them apart, past the realms of friendship, unforgiving hatred stalking his undying love for her. She just wants everything to be how it was, without the complications they created.

But she doesn't. She wants to be treated the way she's left everyone; she needs to find herself and build herself from rock bottom, otherwise she'll just keep falling, and killing herself trying.


	4. Chapter 4

Guategal - thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it. To be honest, I actually have no clue where I'm going with this story; it was actually meant to be a one shot, but I'm enjoying this. I do want to get them together, but at the moment I need a bit of angst and drama. And some serious perspective for myself. Maybe I'll do a one shot at some point but I need ideas.  
Ladybug-Jojo - I'm really glad you like my story. I think you're a fantastic writer too.

Note: my own story but the show does not belong to me.

"You had me, you knew what I felt for you. I get why you did it. But it's just not enough anymore; I'm done with this unspoken relationship we had. I just want simple answers, truths without complications."

He knows it's unreasonable - he's asking her to forget life and its constant barriers, but he needs this.

"The judge clearly isn't coming back for awhile. One hour without life getting in the way. That's all I ask. I need you to be honest, let it all out."

His mind spins at his own requests. She doesn't know him like she used to. The lines of anger and ageing under pressure have softened in his skin, but now, they are replaced with far worse, the lines of pure worry for her. He loves her, the words are ready to spill out of his mouth, more than ever before. How can she cause him so much pain and agony, and still be worth fighting for?

"I think I love you, but it's just not enough. Love doesn't factor in life, and its complications."

"If I leave, there are no more chances. I won't hate you, but this constant game, these residual feelings are over. I can't be the stolen one, with the occasional hope being taken away. There's just nothing left to take."

It kills him to say this, but silently, he's proud of himself. He won't back down from this, but for once, he needs to be the one that controls this situation. The love isn't enough. It's too much, the only thing left is pride. He keep fighting for that, his fingers clawing at the edges to the hierarchy refusing to fall, as he furiously tries to climb up this never ending ladder.


	5. Chapter 5

Note - M rated part (skip as it isn't well written)

Her mouth opens, stunned by his words, as she closes the distance between them.

_Her lips press down onto his mouth, trying to brand him with herself. His fingers slide through her hair, pushing himself closer to her, as her tongue slips down his throat. A grunt escapes him unconsciously, as he fights to regain control. His hands slip slide to the hem of her jacket, letting his fingers stroke her stomach. They rise further as he finds her nipple, pinching it hard, as she moans, her breaths down to shallow pants for oxygen. She grinds against him, rubbing herself against him, frantically unbuttoning his shirt. He pushes her against the edge of the defence desk, sealing his lips with hers, as he fumbles with her skirt, proud to find her already so, so wet._

She thinks this makes it all better, that her kisses make everything better, but he won't let her. He takes a step back as she approaches, and watches as she shuts herself off, into her state of disillusion, watching the subtle reactions to her imagined moment with him.

"Alicia."

Her eyes open, shocked to find herself back, in life and reality, a world she hasn't really been in for a long, long time. At first, she's disappointed that it didn't happen.

But then she realises. A bitter smile forms.

Not Mrs Florrick. Not First Lady.

Alicia.

- please tell me if that doesn't make sense!


End file.
